3 A.M.

I can’t sleep
Replaying each of our exchanges
Trying to figure out
Exactly when you changed your mind.
Or maybe I’ve been blind
This whole time,
Thinking this was something real.
Maybe it was all in my head …
Except it wasn’t.
You in my bed,
Holding me,
Caressing my cheek,
Kissing my forehead,
I didn’t make that up.
But it’s 3 a.m.
And I’m the one awake
Replaying each of our exchanges
Trying to figure out
Exactly when you changed your mind.
Was it before or after
Telling me you wanted something real,
Something more,
And that you wanted it with me?
Did I pretend you said you care?
And if I need you,
No matter when or where,
You’d be there?
But it’s 3a.m.
And while you’re counting sheep
I’m the one losing sleep
Replaying each of our exchanges
Trying to figure out
Exactly when you changed your mind.
Could I have conjured up
You telling me I was special?
I damn sure felt it.
Everything else faded with you near.
My smile automatic
At the mention of your name.
Can you honestly say
You never felt the same?
Because you looked at me
With eyes memorizing all my features,
Hugged me as if
You wanted to stay awhile,
And kissed me with desire that made me dizzy.
No I didn’t make this up.
Yet it’s 3 a.m.
And while you slumber
I’m being pulled under
Drowning
While replaying each of our exchanges
Trying to figure out
Exactly when you changed your mind.

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Until next time …